Archive for November, 2010

Hardy Har-Harlot

November 18, 2010

The world is apparently in search of a new ho story. My personal theory that accompanies this is that society needs that sweat tart to look at who walks between lust and virtue, showing enough ankle to enable American gasping. Admittedly my country has not emotionally evolved passed an eighth grade level and as such risqué behavior gathers as much attention as it did in 1870. When Brittany Spears came along people marveled at her many positive attributes. By attributes do I mean her backing of women’s suffrage like Susan B. Anthony, social activism and awareness like Lady Gaga, or re-defining the role of music like Madonna? No. Perhaps more akin towards, as Cletus T. Judd put it, “You can be famous and never know what talent is”. When Brittany attempted a return, critics didn’t focus on her lyrics or range, they picked on her appearance. The midriff wasn’t flat anymore, she was older and it seemed to impact her performance.

Now we move to a more pleasant genre, motion pictures. I will once again

Illiois has a run in the panty ho's

Blondes have more fun, unless you are Michael Douglas

refrain from my rant about how Hollywood can’t find a good title with a Searchlight and an MGM Lion (that incidentally a director and his trainer). The new ho story is “Burlesque”. The new attempt to place risqué in the palate of the people along with music, while juxtaposing respectability and good intentions with women who are basically strippers, is naked and cheap – no pun intended. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for women taking their clothesoff and even having sex with multiple partners (so long as they do in a responsible manner and with me). But this constant need to re-hash this dynamic kills me. People’s need to believe that someone who takes their clothes off and is noble will never be accepted by society. But we still need to make movies about it, with singing of course.

Jim does Dallas

If you don't know where to get some, there's a sign

Let me not even mention the movie about this same subject that’s been remade no less that sixteen times since 1918 – “Cabaret”. The number of times people have told me that these are about more than hookers, strippers and burlesque dances is almost as much as the number of times hikers have gotten lost in Dolly Parton’s cleavage. I know it must be really entertaining to watch these street people risk everything emotionally and professionally, overcome the odds and keep on doing the same thing.

The Next Installment

Of course this isn’t something we promulgate in real life. We don’t forgive. People can’t change. Criminals will always be criminals, much like Katie Couric posing as a journalist.

Melissa Petro, Unforgiven reformer

Melissa Petro's Unrepentant Fellatio Impression

And all those naysayers out there in their white couches covered in cat fur let’s examine the case of Melissa Petro. Ask yourself if you would want her teaching your kids? This woman was a prostitute, made something of herself and was fired for no good reason. Don’t we teach our kids forgiveness, that your past is your past and you can make good choices in the future? I don’t, but I’m asking the questions here.

My role in my readers’ lives is to bring them to the cathartic place of not lying to themselves. My belief is that a person should admit what they fear and learn from it, embrace what they are passionate about, and indulge in their erotic fantasies in a moderate manner moderately and consistently, not sporadically. Now it really doesn’t matter if she’s a prostitute, however you just can’t shake the “what if”. It would be like talking rationally to pagan neighbor about their beliefs, talking to a homeless guy, or watching the new comedy wih Julia Louis-Dryfus. The “what if” says that Ms. Petro might be more inclined to rip off her blouse at the first sign of lunch money than say Mary Kay Latourneau, Abbie Jane Swogger, Abigail Holloway, Andrianne Hocket, Adrienne Laflamme, Alison Mosbeck, Allison Peck, Allena Ward, Melissa Snow, Rachel Burkhart, and Yvette Stazyk (complete list found here ) . Of course Abbie Swogger was a former exotic dancer, but that’s not important right now. The point is that the fear carried of the “what if” is more powerful than reality most times and yet we seek examples of this very change for entertainment and escape.
I guess thinking that it’s a perfect world out there isn’t such a bad thing. That’s what we want. Movies are an escape away from things like gun violence and rape. A place where kids grow up safe, have parents who don’t beat them and go strip for sweaty men, objectifying their bodies and in pursuit of a hollow, material end that has no basis in attainment. Hell yeah!! Where’s my cigar? I always wanted to sleep with my teacher (turned out to be a lesbian). I think there should be a sex class lottery where you can sleep with a hot teacher and the popular kids are not able to participate because the point of sex education is to educate. The nerdy kids are the socially challenged and…oops.
Anyway, my point is that instead of going to see another imaginary story about deep personal change that isn’t taking place. Why not go down to your local strip club and get a dose of some real change, like fifty for singles. Enjoy.