Archive for September, 2009

My Fear of Matches

September 14, 2009

[Fair warning: As always my work is never safe for yours]

I’m here to-day to talk about my fear of matches. Not in the traditional sense, but more in the manner of a metaphor. Matches being ideas of an incendiary nature. I present my fear to you.

As many of you know I have reduced the access to my FB profile extensively due to corporate phishing. I call it that because I feel that I have every right to say what I want online. The flip side being I have been unemployed since December and being in the tech field if employers can’t find me on FB it looks…suspicious.

I resent having to censor myself anywhere. I hate people who judge me without knowing me and I find myself raging against corporations that pretend that the appearance of character has a direct correlation to work ethic. I was reading through some quotes recently which put forth the notion that one should be wary of those without any faults as they have much to hide. I am no pretender. I have faults and they are mine alone.  And still I am afraid.

I am afraid because I am not alone. I’ve married and perhaps may start a family some day. I need to support them and be a contributing member of society.  But my political and social beliefs are a bit outside what some would call, “normal” and condemnation by the status quo would limit my options. How does one mesh the two?? Through balance and dissembling about what I believe??

Many respond to this question by stating, “That’s right!! Stand up!!” or shrug and sigh, saying “That’s just how it is.” Others have proposed keeping such things separate from my public and professional life. However the meshing of the two seems to be the order of our society. So now, when I apply for a job I give them my LinkedIn page and my public Twitter to reassure them that I am a young upstanding professional of moderate taste and vanilla pretense. I am resentful of this necessity.

Much like the hypocrisy of companies that check your credit when you apply for a job. Anita Orozco, director of human resources at Sonneborn, a petrochemical company based in Mahwah was quoted in the New York Time as saying. “If you see a history of bad decision-making, you don’t want that decision-making overflowing into your organization.” (
Yes, because as well all know AIG and Enron, GM and Ford, make truly responsible and non-public impact decisions.

Some time ago I visited my usual political websites. These are offbeat places with a semi-regular following. Many people may not know about them and I like it that way. At any rate I was reviewing discussions and video posts and so forth and I wondered – what if somebody saw me?? An example of this would be viewing anti-Sharia opinions to-wards women on YouTube (or Am I a racist?? The review of anti-religious and politically charged attitudes I read about on OneGoodMove.Org; many of which slap the established beliefs and jilt even those who would probably call themselves liberal outloud. Am I radical?? For reading things like Crimethinc books and banned books which, allbeit in a fringe fashion, call for lifestyle anarchy, a security society against government and community building at basic levels. Am I dangerous??

I am afraid. And three months ago believed that I would never post this here.